i'm going to be frank: i feel lost as fuck. i feel so alone and so confused like no one really knows me anymore and they're tooo willing to take me at face value and nothing more. like no one's taken the time to really look at me and notice anything past my recent acne fit. everything around me seems superficial and meaningless. i sincerely doubt that these people feelll things. all we wanna do is have cute dorm rooms and cute outfits and cute hairdos and meet cute boys and go to cute parties and eat cute food while sitting at cute tables and what the fuck, dude. i haven't spotted anyone even reading!! not even in the library!! and it is so impossible to find some fuckin silence. i hate hate hate itttt. everything's go go go but if you're not cute while doing it then fuck off! the pressure is making me crack. realllyyy. i constantly feel like i'm being scrutinized for my appearance and like my mind is being heavily overlooked. in fact, i was asked something academic for the first time and it bewildered me. and i'm jealous of everyone's everything yet i wouldn't take it off their hands for cold cash. i feel pionic. truly bite sized. and fuck if anyone cares!! who's gonna CARE gosh i called my boyfriend a damn bastard because i thought he even slightly agreed with the popular ideologies i've found on campus. and on top of this i feel like i've been on thought overload. to sit and read my honors theory of human life book was to shove a comforter into a wallet. i'm damn near overwhelmed. i need to get As. i need to be Involved. i need to keep myself and everything i touch sparkling cute. and i'm having trouble adjusting. i fear that come two weeks from now i'll have spurned this workload and decided to live in my undies and a ponytail forever.